#3 Mayyah is back! 

As a mom whom has been away from her child for almost 2 months it was really hard…most things were delayed most of the times I do not even feel like I have a kid… 

Daily visits to the hospital make me kept pushing questions of when will she be discharged and what are the next plans…for a preemie Mayyah has really fought this battle well..she always miraculously pushed through the different stages…from 

1) cpap breathing to nasal canula respirator and then off respirator to breathe on your own

2) 1.2kg to daily consistent weight gain 

3) able to finally suckle a bottle slowly but surely

She was doing extremely good that the last phase was to suck/feed a bottle well. That was quite hard she could not initially coordinate the suck swallow breathe rythm..every 3 sucks causes her to breathe as if she was running a marathon! Her feeds could last 1/2 hour to just finish 25ml afterwhich the balance goes into the tube that leads directly into her tiny tummy …but as a mother I was really patient and stick to motivating her for her afternoon feeds whenever I was there…

The inlaws..my mom even Akbar was not patient in handling this and kept pushing for her to drink faster…I felt like telling them to just shut the f up seriously…you guys are not helping her to cope and do better but just adding stress to her..but I just continued to do whats best for Mayyah..

Finally on the Christmas week, I was given the option of home care basically Mayyah was allowed to be discharged! YEAAAAAY!!! however the feeding tube that goes into the nose remains intact for me to feed her via tube if she cant finish her bottle when she was discharged…

I was taught to remove the tube from her nose…and to insert a clean tube..I needed to give 3 demos back to the nurses and passed it before she can go back which was  scheduled for 3 Jan…

Most parents at this learning stage of tube insertion would become pitiful and end up being cengeng abit coz it looks so sad to insert tube in and out of your little one…most nurses says it could take a week minimum for brave confident parents up to 3 weeks for most of them coz the process really can be emotionally traumatising for some parents …

I requested to push for it coz I really wanted Mayyah to be back..it was quite scary I tell you! Putting a 32cm long tube into your little one nose to go into the tummy…whom of coz will struggle and start to whine or cry even…this is when as a parent, some would just stop and not want to proceed…

Anak kau nangis sape tak panic! Ngn buat procedure lak tu!!

But with a gungho attitude buat je…like some people say! JUST DO IT! thus with each demo the nurse said good job mummy! Suddenly I feel like changing profession lak..😅😅😅 the last demo on 3 Jan,the discharged date! the sister nurse was around but waiting for another parent to do a demo..she got another nurse to monitor me..she said I was so quick in the procedure that when she turn her head..the tube was in! And I was just pasting the skin tape on..(confident mau lebih!)

That is the best feeling Ever! that I passed with flying colours and finally!! My little one can wear home clothes….ready to go back! Going back at 36 weeks 6 days..2.5kg, after 58 days in the hospital was sucha relief…everyone whom took care of her said their farewells and for a good 5 minutes it was quite noisy in the Special Care nursery..mcm VIP baru lalu..this demok like celebrity like that! 

Gonna miss the nurses..they were so nice and friendly..loves coming over to Mayyah’s cot to see her and talk to her…and this girl would give her dreamy smile to them😍😍😍

My mom taught me always be nice to people…share and give stuff to appreciate and thank them…while I believe in sharing my rezeki no matter how small it is…when you do…you will never know what rezeki you will receive back…alhamdullilah Mayyah was loved by all during her stay in the nursery…while she has shown me that rezeki from HIM will never stop coming if you believe and is sincere…

Thank you my love for showing it to me…I hope to be a good mother to you eventhou I am quite a rough mummy..lols….💕💕

#2 Mummy’s dilemma of breastmilk for my preemie

I was encouraged greatly to provide my breastmilk for Mayyah since the day she was borned..

I tried very very hard….and since my milk was not flowing like the golden river it should be..I had to hand expressed my milk and that ladies and gentleman gotten drops of just 0.3ml of milk! Through a syringe! Breast feeding does not seem wonderful and colourful like what other mummies described…

Be prepared your milk doesnt have to flow like a river naturally…its not the same for all Mothers..different bodies have different alerts and some are just naturally low supply like me..

After a month plus of daily pumps and my 3-4 hourly aparts..my maximum pump is 40ml.in total.and sitting through for 1 hour…its tiring I have sore neck, aching back and sometimes super pumped boobs that ache after that…

Do not nag at me about milk boosters…as if you would know..I have tried mostly everything…

☆Goats milk + date

☆Al-kurma juice

☆Lactation cookies


☆veggies:young papaya, spinach & loads more

☆red date/longan drink

☆fenugreek supplement + domperidone

☆Mamom pills

☆mother’s milk plus

AND ALOT MOREEEE….nothing works my max pump remains at 40ml….sometimes if im lucky it goes to 60ml because I have not pumped more than 4 hours…

However I am not giving up..I shall trial and error to all the other milk boosters to try to increase my supply…Mothers you can try all my mentioned milk boosters…you will never know which will trigger but its worth a try…some mothers have it easier than others..Alhamdullilah..

But never admit defeat…Mother’s milk no matter how little it is, it is as golden good gold for the baby….even if you are formulating and doing a 50-50…it helps! 

Mayyah has grown tremendously well..Alhamdullilah..thanks to whatever breastmilk she could get…her weight increases daily..

This girl motivates a lazy person like me to wake up at 6 plus or 7am latest to pump…and even at midnite before I could properly sleep…love for a tiny being like you! See how you grab my finger…while I was changing you..sorry you have been wearing mittens and can’t hold mummies hand….

#1 Mommy’s journey for a Preemie 

Eversince the birth of Sumayyah in my life..it has been an emotional rollercoaster ride and a physically challenged journey…

As prepared as I am caring for a baby since I have babysitted alot of nephews/nieces and cousins…I was not prepared for a preemie with a whole new route and destinations…

The first day I have gotten to see her was the third day after I have given birth before I was discharged…I couldn’t hold back my tears of joy and of sadness too because I cannot bring my baby back…I couldn’t kiss & hold her and say “Its ok baby…Mummy is here!” She has learned to be independant the moment she came out and the thought that my baby would cry and I am not there makes me felt pain and guilty…

The reason why we label Preemies as fighters and lil warriors….they have to go through some major alone time while some are fighting their lives to different issues such as not able to breathe on their own…very low birth weight..gestational problems…heart probs and many many issues associated with Preemies

Alhamdullilah Mayyah only setback was, she couldn’t breathe on her own yet 100%, needing oxygen support but at its minimal level of 21%. Not at full term when lungs are strong enough, she does forget to breathe at times coz in the womb they need not have to breath through their noses. 

Supposedly Mummy rest as much and be on pantang for 44 days or 40 at most. This is when Mummies get to really rest not to do much chores or cooking, as much as possible to eat sleep and feed their LO(lil one). As lucky that I am able to pantang at my mum’s place but I did not have the luxury.. Everyday routine is to pump my super little breastmilk for Mayyah, breakfast, pump, lunch, zohor, pack and travel to hospital, come back and pump, dinner and pump and sleep. 

I was crawling the 1st 10 days after discharge because c-section was still effing painful and my body was extremely weak. The travel to hospitals was too tiring but I had to push on..That is why I appreciate Mothers more…that strength Allah give Mummies to presevere no Man can go through…that love for your tiny human being is bigger than the love a father could give..you would literally move the world if you have to..being in the shoes of Mothers..

Everyday visit to hospital is updates from nurses I learn the hospital jargons quickly and did alot of reading on Preemies..no one will give you information as most of your friends do not have Preemies. I had to provide positive aura everytime I am around Mayyah coz they can detect the negativity and health can deteriorates faster than a speed of a bullet. Not having Akbar around most days because he was busy with work make me handle post pregnancy alone… I had to suck it in and put my emotions aside every time I visit Mayyah…doing a split 360 personality change when I enter NICU daily could probably make me win Grammy Awards of the year…

Anything for her…well she is still in NICU and is about 36 days already…I never knew when she will be out but is always praying for my baby girl to be discharged soon. 

28 weeks & unexpected!! Part 2

So I was mentioning I was in the delivery suite for 1.5 days…the plan from the doctors at that moment of time was to prolong the birth/delivery as long as possible and maximum at 34th week..with me being warded of coz…However anytime that I felt contractions or in labour immediate delivery will be carry out and most times is csection and if time was on my side…natural birth…this is practised to all similae cases like me unless complications set in… 

Thus the administration of antibiotics per 4 hours via drip and tablets…this is to prevent infection and protect baby in womb since the waterbag has burst….

1.5 days of monitoring and no signs of contraction I was then moved to normal Ward, Ward 34 class C…

On Sunday I had all my friends and relatives came to visit me…with all kinds of food provided since I had no appetite to eat the hospital food…I welcome this with open hands! 

I had to do prick tests before every meal and my sugar was at 1 time highest with a hypercount at 12 max..causing them to inject me with insulin on my stomach for every meal till it drop to normal range of below 7.8 in my case…I was at that time a high risk diabetes but suspected due to the steroid jabs and not because of food intake…eventually I was off insulin and back to normal! phew!

Being in healthcare industry for a total of 4 years was benefiting at this moment because I understand at all times the medications given..the condition I was in and I was aware and kept track of my own medications and procedures to be done…At times I called the the nurses if they forgotten to do something and they were grateful I did so….of coz I could have acted blur la kan! But I did not want to risk the baby or myself if missed a step! 

See all the pillows yes I was ready to camp in the hospital for 6 weeks to reach that 34th week! 

However as Sunday 6 Nov was ending.. I was resting and watching Gegar Vaganza….fell asleep half way and was jolted up at 115am, 7 Nov…. to a stomach pain! Nak terberak intestines were tightening knots kinda pain…I had to relax for awhile..sempat to the toilet thinking yes I was having stomachaches…cleared my bowels even…walked back..and that pain came again…went toilet but nope thats not it! Whatsapp husband again…

Ok do not judge me…me and pain were never good friends…when I get pinched it is a dead blue black for me…so at that moment of pain which were not contractions btw because my stomach did not tighten..I have no idea what pain it was…but all I know I had the urge to push…the nurses came to check and said it wasnt contractions…eventually I couldnt take it and requested to be pushed to delivery suite immediately…which Akbar has called 5 minutes earlier to confirm this…

When I reached the delivery suite with surah Maryam blasting through my hp, my pillow..earpiece and whats not..miraculously Akbar was there and has reached…

I like to thank Rifaah and fiza for driving him over…I can’t imagine at what speed you drove but he reached just nicely in time!! 

After I was pushed to Ward 15 in Delivery suite…I went abit hysterical coz the pain was shooting me up a notch! And I didn’t had painkillers to cool it down…so laughing gas was the only painkiller I had….where I breathed in like a druggie! Akbar tried to stop me but of coz I pushed him away! OMG at that moment of time if I could kick him I would!!! 

Doctors came in to check! I was dilating at 4cm and yet it was not contractions…what I felt was eventually they called unbilical cord prolapse where it is coming out of the uterus 1st something that is rare and if baby was not out ASAP…I could have lost her that night…after that they mentioned CRASH csect…and it just got blurred right after..I knew I asked to salam Akbar coz I may not come out alive or my baby might not come out alive…after which they pushed me to OT…the whole hospital heard my Code Green announcement…

Doctors were trying to get me focused before GA was injected and less than that 5 minutes of chaos it was darkness that engulfed me…

There she is 245am 7 Nov 2016…7 Safar 1438..

Sumayyah was borned..Alhamdullilah….

It was an unexpected 28 weeks! A journey I truly did not think I would go through…

Before I got pregnant..I told Akbar that if it was ever a girl..I would name her Sumayyah based on the first female martyr of Islam…that name kept bugging me for ages even when I was carrying her… never knew this name would really meant for her…she is 1 fighter we are blessed with…

Sometimes what we planned for never happen or did not go through the same way we wanted it to be…All because He was the BEST planner for us….I never stop thanking him for whatever has happened these few days coz it has really been an eye opener masya allah….good things has happened so far and both of us have took it positively…

Some people would say kesian…bills are going to go skyrocketted but they wouldn’t know all the other great things that has happened these few days…Never ever stop believing in the Almighty even when your faith is tested in crucial times…

I only hope doas from all of you so that she will be discharged a healthy lil fighter…😍😍😍

Thank you to family and friends whom have wished us well and the never ending support…

So that’s my story…I hope husbands out there appreciate your wives more now…going through personally the birth of a miracle our amanah…make me salutes all Mothers…..


28 weeks & unexpected! PART 1


It took me awhile for me to pen this down a journey that happened but unexpectedly! 

So I was mentioning the other day that my baby was weighing Alhamdullilah well at 1.1kg and everything was A-ok..

Well guess what the next day on 4 Nov! while I was at work after having lunch alone at my pantry..then walking back to my table! I just felt a gush of water leaked out and soaking my freaking  underwear !! I waddled to the toilet and o wells (CAUTION! TMI, MAY BE GROSS) I thought I terkencing (urinated) you know! BUT it was not..it was just water water water coming out from God’s knows where….it took me some seconds to realise! SHYT MY WATERBAG BROKE!!! I was wearing panty liner it got super soaked..my pants can literally squeezed and perah kluar air!

So as I was still bursting with water..and soaking my pants…I waddled back to the office…approached a colleague! Told her I needed to cancel our Afternoon meeting as I needed to rush to the Hospital..packed my stuff..whatsapp my Husband..whom got a shock of his life for a second…got into a CAB (every1 scolded me for taking a cab instead of calling an AMBULANCE)..and rushed to KK Hospital…

He had to call to confirm thou what was happening…but yes that was my minimal convo of a chaotic Friday! 

I was at 28 weeks when my Waterbag burst and I was a Thomson Medical patient but my decision at that time to proceed to KK Hospital was because I knew I was only 28 weeks and this could cause preterm labour…causing my baby to be in NICU which is expensive and KK hospital is the best in handling complications and cost saving! 

Yes I was going through all these in my head when it happened and to make a decision…I thank Allah for that.moment of strength and calmness… 

I was immediately pushed to Delivery suite and that’s where we got all the administration sorted out..I was monitored in Triage for like 30 minutes before pushed  to a Delivery ward for further monitoring and care….

Stayed for 1.5 days…I was given steroid jabs for baby’s lungs…antibiotic drips every 4 hours…blood tests and diabetes prick test…yup I was poke here and there for my entire stay in KK hospital…..

Part 1 of my 28 weeks journey! and its drama….

Don’t forget about yourself!! 

While most mothers are busy prepping items for their LO(lil one).. don’t forget we needta prep items for us mummies too!!

So here are some essential items I needta get for myself which Ive been reading up or tips from my friends:

1) Nursing bras

Well if you are trying immediately for BF. Definitely needed get those nursing bras that allows you to open the buttons at the front or unclip hooks.Easier management and quick to disengage to provide the boobies to the baby..

Can buy them at Q10 but if you feel uncomfortable coz no trying right, put this item in Wishlist for the next Babyfair!

2) Nipple pads

These goes along with nursing bras…again to be placed in ur bras to make sure you dont have round wet rings  on your shirt! BF leaks so you need these to absorb the milk and avoid those unsightly rings or wet boobs syndrome! I didnt know these existed till I keep reading…thanks to other mamas whom have shared such knowledge…plenty of brands again can be bought in Q10! coz its really cheaaap!!! my friend uses this Lansinoh brand which she said was good…she is giving me a pack of her leftovers…

3) Maternity pads + disposable underwears

So again if you are opting natural birth! needed in your bags. Depends on which hospital you are in… KKH charges these, they give you but chargeable items. TMC 2016 package gives a luggage of necessities to mummies complimentary so just bring more incase you use them up. Coz the blood post birth soaks up the pads really fast! The first week I was told is heaviest…also from my miscarriage experience this is true…Some mummies buy the maternity pads while other opt for the overnight menstrual extra long thick pads which Kotex and Whisper has them..

Maternity pads by Kotex is available in NTUC/Redmart…while Spring Mothercare carries some other brands I believed as well.

Disposable underwear you can get them the cotton versions in Watsons/Mustafa…according to sizes of coz since Im plus size Im getting the men versions…coz women generic sizes cant freaking fit my big bums! These are important!! coz if you are bleeding you wldnt wanna stain your undies and keep washing…so wear and throw jela these disposbale underwear!

So yup these are items you can pack along in your maternity bags! No need bring so many coz its just insya allah most probably 2 days if all is ok!

Dnt forget while prepping you need to remember this…You FIRST before baby…actually never forget yourself coz if you do…you tend to be more depressed and stressed out….

Don’t overbuy as well coz most items you will tend to get them as gifts…especially clothes!

I’ll share what Ive gotten so far… Im not a shopaholic my friends can vouch for that! So if you wanna get tips from a person who do not spend so much or on a budget…hopefully my way of shopping could help you guys!

1.1kg Baby S…

I took an evening drink that has caffeine and now Im awake…yes I hear your naggings about caffeine in pregnancy..i do have a cuppa which is usually Tea..coz I am a Teh C avid lover but not on a daily basis! however I do have that occassional cafe coffee flavoured drinks when Im hanging out with my friends/hubby.. 1 cuppa/day dnt kill you in your pregnancy..it is recommended to stick to 2 cuppas/day…everything in moderation…

Here is my principle if I am too careful in my diet during pregnancy I believe Im just curbing my baby too much resulting in problems where allergics could happen or a fussy eater in the future? so i just balanced my meals and eat most stuff in moderation….that’s my theory and I dont need other young mamas to judge me…. insya allah my baby’s health is something I look after and doa daily but all these are also from HIM above…

So back to my appointment on Friday! i had to do the diabetes blood test resulting in drowning myself in a glucose bottled drink! after the first shot of blood drawn…

“This is the worse drink in my entire life” I seriously had the hangover feeling..nauseous attack plus light headedness and burping sensations!”

So I hold it up and mind you I went for the appointment alone coz hubby just came back from night shift and hadta rest…no problem there…

So I really felt like I was in my younger days holding up a hangover and not to fall flat! for 2 hours later I had to take the 2nd blood test again! Thank goodness no vomitting if not redo!

I bravely survived the glucose drink mania dreaded by all pregnant mommas!

And I saw My BABY S!! baby has grown miraculously well and has reached its 1st milestone!! 1.1kg yeaaaa

Grow and become my chubby squishy baby!! Mummy and baba cant wait to meet you!! and bite you my lil 1…

Starting to prep my neccessities for the lil 1…and of coz myself!! Shall blog maybe tomorrow..it is tomorrow already! maybe later la ok….

Needta get some rest! & not become an owl!!

Nitees ladies!!

My 3rd Trimester and its journey

Well well well!!I have reached my 3rd trimester soon in a few days time.. this is extremely exciting as all my morning sickness has disappeared and my appetitte is slowing kicking in with middle of the night hunger pangs..kebulur nak mampos at 2am and the sleepless nights!

My baby has been good to its mummy! I have lost 5kg in total from my pregnancy! and only gain less than 1kg! My baby S has absorbed the nutrients o so well! so that’s a good thing right!!

That is my healthy baby…can you see it has a nose bridge!!! mancung like the parents! lols…alhamdullilah giving me extreme pelvic pain and powerderful kicks..and good hiccups means that my Baby S is doing well! yes babies hiccups in the stomach…and it feels like light kicks but its constant they are hiccuping because they are learning to breathe and using their lungs! i believed this 1 will have good lung skills when its out!!!

So I wouldnt say I have sucha a wonderful pregnancy journey! but i wld say I am that few lucky ladies whom dont really change…

I still have my own face features…no bloated face no big nose…alhamdullilah no water retention on my feet…but u constantly look tired as baby is on a growing spurt chart following the growth trend. last check it was almost 700g at almost 6 months… so tomorrow is my checkup again let’s see the weight increase!

Edd in January! so the nervousness is kicking slowing just like the feeling if nak KAHWIN! betol ke ni skrg nak jadi MUMMY!!!

Soooo Dusty!! Salam Aidilfitri!

Da lama jugak da tak berblogging!

3 months ok silence in this blog, actually I have been extremely busy after marriage life with increasing workload from work until no time hor!

Raya also in negeri orang berkerja…SEDIH NAK MAMPOS! I was in Korea since 1st July until 10 July.

Takbir nak kene dengar through live streaming. I cannot imagine people who are not in their hometown, how sad it is celebrating without families and alone in some foreign country. I was nangis teresak-esak ok, sambil buka sampai tak tertelan makanan, terus lost appetite!

giphy (5).gif

Well the night of 6th July, my husband arrived in Korea and angkut la makanan raya for me…Thank goodness for my Mr.A existence, aku rasa kalau tak hari hari nangis HOMESICK!!!


My Mom, auntie and MIL packed for me my favs yang simple simple sahaja…kuah lodeh nie semua takde! But o wells, dapat rasa 2 raya feeling sikit kira da bersyukur, sujud syukur k bila MAKANAN masok mulut bole melalak lagi but control macho depan husband…

So this korea trip is a disaster worktrip emotionally for me…I do not like it one bit at all. and I just wanna be home…

Kita dapat beraya baru last weekend…Raya Sakan! 10 houses in 1 day whoosh…tak agak-agak…But we started on Friday evening to 1st two houses….started with orange baju kurung..step cam GERUA Diwale!…Bahahahaha


Dapat kluar rumah cam HEAVEN!…Saturday was the marathon rumah…I only felt heat of the chair for like 15 minutes ans we were out to the next house.. LOLS…

So common topics that was discussed as new couple was;
1) Rumah bila siap? Kat mane?
2) Bila due?? Doctor mane?
Eh nie nak announce ke? Hehe yes Alhamdullilah, I am reaching my 13 weeks! Syukur syukur syukur…that explains the HOMESICK rabak when I am overseas..I miss my mom coooking alot la..cannot help it…

3) Akbar kau ader driving license? Ntah aper logic but yup he got asked that question ALOOOT!!

But husband was complaining by end of the day, asal banyak nye rumah..yes we must go all k coz it’s my close family….but he loves that he has kids to entertain

Meriah kalau dapat beraya with kids nie, coz excitement dorang lagi gerek dari beraya with orang tua! So next year new addition to my berlambak lambak nieces and nephews.

Aku nak pakaikan tabung la kasi jalan jalan time raya, senang sikit! OK KIDDING you olls….but it will be a funny sight bahahaha! Parents pendengki kesian anak aku, confirm kene bully slalu…kene yakat ngn bapak die, nenek atok dia..hahahahaha

Next post will be my journey in 1st trimester! and how i cope with it…

Khayalan Jumaat…..

Lari lari kakiku lari…
Titisan embun menitis pipi
Pergi tiada kembali…
Angin hembusan pagi

Nafas..adakah dikau masih berada?
Pertama kali kita bertemu disana
Rindu mengamati hatiku
Hela hela aku biarkan

Sentuhan lalang di jari manisku
Sentuhan pasir di hujung tapakku
Sinaran suam lepasi mataku

Sayu sayu jeritan kecilku
Sepi sepi dalam fikiran ku
Adakah dikau mungkin kembali
Mungkin tidak mungkin ya…

Lalu kau pulang
Bukan bersamaku…..
Bingung aja kau buatku
Serabut dibuatku…

Jejak kaki ulang kembali
Di tempat dikau bersepi
Hatiku bertaut hatimu
Harapan untuk ketemu…
Bukan tentuanku….


Inspirasi buat semata-semata…