When things turn unexpectedly…

A few weeks ago I had suspected that I was expecting due to a late period and my on off nauseous moments..lack of breath and so on…

But a few negative tests came about and seeing a GP with no answers led to a frustrating moment more than anything…as the GP wanted to refer me to a gastroenologist instead of a gynae!

I knew back then I was pregnant and I waited patiently to have a positive test..went about with my work and even travelled to Tokyo for a meeting…it was tough I was tired most of the time…but work is work… I took my time slowly walking or continuing my work..

Last past week, cravings got so overwhelming that I thought maybe I should just do another test. Bought Clearblue on Wednesday, tried on Thursday morning which gave me a postive sign…

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I was ecstatic…Alhamdullilah….finally lil 1 decided to show up! It was a feeling that I couldnt explain…having a kid was 1 of my dreams..I was always prepared to be one and so was Baba aka Mr.A….we have always loved kids and treated my niece as our precious….

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But I guess Allah loved the lil 1 more than anything..it must have been a special 1 too…Friday was the day it decided to leave us…

Rahmat of Friday I guess, I was at work and busy running errands and back to work..When I went to the toilet I saw that I was already bleeding…signs of panic and anxiousness just wrap my heart…messaged Ana and she said that I should not move…that day was just a tiring day..i had this dull pain on my body and my feet were aching so badly it was hard to walk…

Went back in a cab..ate dinner with husband…i felt pain come and go and I knew I was bleeding still…Baba got so worried and just decided to rush me to the hospital..My father in law was calm but I knew he was panic..I can feel that he drove the car way faster than usual…

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Doctors scanned and took my urine test..it was no longer in my system..couldnt scan for it…despite a postivie urine test…after awhile they took my blood test to determine..send me home and next day I got a call from Dr Liu…my blood test came back negative…and was concluded I had a miscarriage and it was flushed out of the system…but Im still experiencing the bleeding so the process is still ongoing…

It was raw Ya allah…when my bro in law woke up whom was dutied to take care of me…I couldnt hold it back…I just cried and lie on my bed..Baba was not around since he had to work…but I was too pained to stay strong…asked him to come back to be with me….It was an on and off moments…I redha that yes Allah took it back..but I had thoughts of was I being a bad mother coz I didnt rest as much as possible…

It was too much…Mentally I was half half…I was ok most times but back of my mind I was still healing this raw broken heart…masya allah….

Back at my moms place to recover…I pity my baba…as much as I grow through it..he is not used to me not being around him…and he is mending a broken heart too…

May we be strong for this…I love you baba…and mummi will always love you lil 1…may Allah reminds me to always remember this love….you gave me the feeling of being a mother for a few weeks..I thank you for that….insya allah prayers wont be forgotten…

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7 thoughts on “When things turn unexpectedly…

  1. the picture of you with your sad face…. AKU NAK NANGIS! it’s okay syg. hugs! i know it’s difficult especially when you were all excited about it, we were too but just keep telling yourself that this is Allah’s plans, and He knows what’s best for you and Akbar. always have faith. ❤

  2. Lotsa hugs to you! How many weeks along? Hope you’re recovering well.
    Some would say that a miscarriage is similar to a birth, so u must rest and eat well k!

  3. *virtual hugs* Stay strong, have lots of rest and take care of yourself. ❤ He definitely has something great planned up ahead for the both of you, aamiin aamiin aamiin.

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